That’s What I’m Here For

There is so much to say and I am not quite sure where to start. I have been on holiday all week since school is out and it is so refreshing but it is really minor from what is on my mind.

Being thankful. I am drawing near to the end of this journey I began so long ago. I actually began this journey in Tulsa, Ok in 1995. I didn’t know what I wanted to be when I grew up…even though I was already grown in 1995 I still had no clue. Hubby pushed me to start on something so I took my first computer class for Windows 3.11. Yup that long ago. But that class began the journey to trying to find my calling. I didn’t know I heard my calling when I was 17 and just ignored it. Oh well…I move on. So I began taking basic classes here and there and paid for them out of my pocket to avoid student loans so it took a considerable amount of time.

I also changed majors over time from the business corporate world to paralegal to accounting before I reached God’s purpose in my life….teaching.

So this brings me to being thankful…

To Jesus Christ, my Saviour who never gives up on me when I have given up on myself 1000’s of times in the past year. I know You have never left me. Thank you Lord!

To My Hubby, you have always been in my corner, have been my biggest fan and the one who let me cry on your shoulder when I needed it and a kick in the butt when I really needed it..I love you immensely.. Thank you huney!

To My daughter, I knew when I was in the sixth grade that I wanted to be a mother. You have made that come to pass and you teach me everyday more than I probably will ever teach you. I love you munchkin!

To my parents, it is because of you that I work hard to make you proud. When I walk across that stage on December 11th it will be for you and me! Thank you for instilling in my heart and soul to be the best I can. Thanks for being the best role models to me for marriage, family and work.

To my sisters, there seems to never be words for that type of sisters you are to me. THE BEST! I can’t find any better I have looked. Thanks for all the laughs and the ability to just sit and relax and be me 110%!

To my brother, thanks for letting me be your big sister! You are an awesome father I can see that in you.

To Keka, It has been over a decade of friendship and I know I want decades more. All I have to do is call you and I know I am going to laugh till I pee….okay I don’t try to pee it just happens. LOL

To Alicia, wow no words can describe how you have impacted my life. No one gets what it is like to be a foster parent like you do. There have been countless times when I needed to vent and cry and scream about this whole process and you have been the bestest friend I could have asked for to bring me thru this. You and I have gone thru a lot of the same feelings, emotions and turmoil. I am glad I have you by my side. You are truly a blessing from God. I mean that!

To Monica, you motivate me to be the best teacher I can be. You have been a great friend. I am so glad you made me be your friend. I love how we can talk for hours and hours about nothing and about everything! I hope we are friends for life!

To my classmates, Dena, Lamonica, Jackie and Michelle: You are some phenomenal Christian women that I know will impact children everywhere. Keep going forward because I can’t wait till watch you walk across that stage! God will bless you, I just know it.

To ChaCha & Piglet, I love you both dearly. I can’t see life without you two in it! Thanks for being there to make me laugh and allowing me to be in your lives. May God continue to bless you both!

To Midget, move closer! I miss and love you dearly. You are always on our minds and always will be.

To Sunshine, Ms. Executive Therapist and Kamen, Friends that have been with me thru so much and continue to stand by the sidewalk as you see me go by. I assure you I am going to stop after all of this and jump back on that sidewalk and watch others go by with you. Love you all dearly!

To my nephews and nieces, I do this all for you. You all were the ones to make me want to be a mother more and more each day.  I love you all each immensely.

To the 3rd grade teachers where I do my student teaching. THANK YOU! I can’t thank you enough. I have learned thousands and thousands from you all. I can’t even explain all you do for me on a daily basis. I am so going to miss you all. But I wanted to tell you thank you and that you mean the world to me. Thank you for allowing me to come into your space and work with you. You are so kind and loving and graceful. You took me in with open arms and have made me so proud to have worked by your side and I can’t even begin to repay you for all you have done. You should be proud of yourselves as I know I am and honored to have worked with the “golden” team. You are truly golden to me. May God bless you all!

Be Blessed,

Me

All things end in judgment.

Heard this line in a tv show, The Unit. I thought how fitting because in the end God will judge everyone no matter whether they bow to Him now or later.

Be blessed,

Me

Admit it….when you went to school you wondered about that teacher’s lounge…well there is probably some code about spilling the beans about this mysterious lounge but what the heck…here goes…

I recall passing the teacher’s lounge on many occasions during my school years. The door was always closed or cracked open just a smigen for you to want to peek in as you passed by. I often wondered what the teacher’s did in there…did they talk about the students or plan evil vicious exams with long word problems or essays that they never thought us about. I sometimes wondered if they took off their masks and they would laugh a hiss like yackal to signal to other teachers “hello”. Did they keep an oven or a cauldron over a hot fire waiting for us?

Well some are true and most are not…   We do talk about students but mostly we just hang out and enjoy our free time. We only get thirty minutes to eat so it is a rather quick bite we get and head back at it. I have such a huge respect for the teachers I work with because these are a great group of people who are really in it for the right reasons.

There is an oven. A vending machine, refrigerators…it is more like a kitchen with tables if I think about it.

I am so going to miss this place. I am off for the next week for the holidays and I am so looking forward to it…SLEEP here I come.

Be blessed,

Me

I couldn’t think of a title because I am so jumbled in my head right now. As some of you know I made a MAJOR career change after doing accounting for 12 years of my life. I was great at it but hated it. Now I sit in a classroom at the very bottom starting out and in so many ways it is frustrating. I want to cry but won’t. I understand the struggles now associated with making life changes late in your life. If you are young, figure it out now.

I have no experience, I don’t have years of doing this and need to learn so much. I am down in case you can’t tell. I want to do well but can’t….because it takes time and hands-on experience. And the only way to get that is to go to the classroom and learn by trial and error. You even have to learn how you are going to teach….you have to learn what part of your personality will rule the room…you have to figure out what will bother you enough to put it in your discipline plan…and there are a gagzillion more.

I wonder if anyone will hire me because right now I think I SUCK. I hate using that word but it is how I feel being so new in all of this. I mean in accounting I could walk into a new job and show the supervisors a thing or two….but now….I don’t know….I can’t do anything. The desire is there to find my own…but it is hard in someone’s elses room. You have their lesson plans and their schedule which is fine but it isn’t mine. It at times feels like a catch 20/20…..I want to do it but probably won’t do it even half good till I get my own room…but who would want to hire someone who doesn’t yet have it together. I feel like I am babbling…and I am. And venting in the frustration of this process. I haven’t given up…don’t get me wrong but I wonder and worry.

I wonder if I have chosen a profession that I won’t get hired in. It is close to noon..(at my conference hour) and wanting to go home and shed some much needed tears. These are like labor pains I guess.

Last night I pondered this even more and it was like a metaphor…I am a baby bird at the edge of the nest and I want to fly so badly but it is too soon and if I jump out of that nest I will fall flat on my face….but the desire is so powerful to jump. The Mentor bird still has so much to show me and in reality probably won’t be able to show me all of it.

I wonder if all student teachers go thru this or is it just me?

Me

why teachers get time off. This is a demanding job. You use all your senses at all times. You use your mind, spirit, and energy to do this job if you want to do it well. I can say I am looking forward to my week off. I am sure a part of it was that I was up to three classes on top of student teaching that has worn me down but I feel myself turning that tunnel and feeling rested again.

Here recently I just finished some classes and now I am down to one class. PRAISE the Lord because I know without a doubt it is He that got me thru it. Now I am just finishing up my student teaching and was hoping you all would pray for me. I need pray to be lead to the job that God has intended for me. I am worried when I shouldn’t be but the unknown has a way of doing that to you.

So I will have a week off, go to court on December 8 for my baby’s court hearing and then will finish student teaching December 10th, graduate December 11th and take my two state exams December 15th and 16th….BREATH….

I will then welcome the holiday break and hope that in January I will have some prospects for finding a school for the rest of the year. Pray that I do.

Be blessed,

Me

Wow, I don’t know why I think there will be a normal routine in regards to school…just not going to expect it anymore. There was rainy day dismissal, picture day, 5th grade program, and one five minute meeting. Allow me to elaborate… one day it was rainy when it was time to dismiss the children.

This was a neat approach so the children wouldn’t get wet, they call out the bus number and only those children leave so that the bus can be directly under the canopy. Picture day was a lot of fun till I had to take a picture for the yearbook. I was not expecting that. I can’t believe I have already taken my first teacher picture! This school is so great to student teachers. They do all they can to include me and I am just so humbled and appreciative and hope I am blessed with such a great team as this third grade team is to me.

That same day the 5th grade put on their music program. I sat in the back to watch my students and it took everything in me not to cry. I was so emotional because I LOVE teaching. I almost love it as much as I love my husband….and for those who know me know how much love that is. It was a cute program and the kids loved it.

Today the principal asked for a five minute meeting. Well after talking to my mentor teacher she explained that these from history are never good. She was right unfortunately. The principal announced that he was being appointed to a new school in January. I cried and cried and I wanted to ball. I didn’t realize how attached I have become to this school. Many of the teachers were crying as well. I can honestly say this principal is phenomenal. He is a strong Christian man and adores the children. This school just won’t be the same without him.

This student teaching experience has brought just about every scenario for me. I know I will leave with so much information and ideas. This was a sound experience for me and I am so glad God lead me to this school over 2 1/2 years ago.

I can say I am still emotional about it. But God’s plans are always bigger than ours. Mr. H I wish you the very best and any school will be blessed to have you.

Be Blessed,

Me

Well it has been quite busy for me. The hardest thing I can tell is when you get sick from kids germs those suckers are ruthless and don’t let go without a good knock down drag out…! I have lost my voice twice and have just felt so sluggish from it. But I am hanging in there. I am now teaching full time but lately I have been doing this teaching all on my own while Mr. M. is out doing some training.

It feels weird because it is hard to take on something that is not yours. I would love to do my own reward system and design my own room, decorate, bullentin boards and make my room. I would love to scream at the top of my lungs and do that. Oh and I would love to organize everything. It is me at a fault but me nonetheless. But I can’t. I am just biding my time. So like I said it is weird. I am in limbo and wonder when I will get my own room and make this my own. I feel a little frustrated but it is from being anxious.

I wonder what God has in store for me. Like will I sub till next year and then go applying to find my classroom. Or will I find one in January? All the unknowns overwhelm me but in a good way I imagine.

I just want to be in it already. I have learned so much during this time though so I am not complaining one bit. In fact, everyday I learn something. The kids teach me so much and they don’t even know it.  They really do. I am so grateful to them.

This is what I dream of when I am not doing homework:

I wonder what my room will look like? Oh how I desire to see my room in real life and walk in and pray over it and cry from pure joy! Oh Lord may it come to pass.

Be Blessed,

Me

So the sick bug got me as I walked in the class on Thursday morning… just up and slapped me square on the face and almost took me out in round one!

  This weekend my hubby and I got a room at a hotel because I am taking my state exam next weekend and I needed some peace and quiet to study without munchkin being a distraction. So there I was holed up in a room…..sick and trying to study for the BIGGEST exam I will ever take so far in my life. Second biggest was for my driver’s license…

I took two practice exams and passed both fairly well and hope that when I am fully well that it means I will do even better.
I am still sick but getting better. I need a bubble around me at school to protect me from those vigilant germs! Wish I was passed out right now instead of doing homework once again.

Be Blessed,

Me