I was walking down the hallway after delivering the students to Art when I saw a group of what seemed to be first year education college students taking a tour of the school and I smiled. Don’t let this sound selfish but it wasn’t for them and more for me. I was finally thinking to myself how I appreciate where I am right now…at the end of this journey. I am less than two months away from finishing my classes, taking my state exams, finishing my student teaching and then graduating from school. While that is a lot, I have such a huge support system thru my hubby, sister and my schools.
So I am smiling because I am not where those college students are at…the beginning and I think I can smile about that.
This week was Red Ribbon Week where the school spotlights saying “NO” to drugs. Tomorrow we are going to wear Pj’s and slippers…should be fun.
Be Blessed,
Me
So today I was just sitting around doing some much needed paperwork for Mrs. R when Mr. M pops in the room asking for someone to watch his class for a second. I walk on over and watch his class which is doing some mass exercises with scales. I just jump right in that exercise because it looks so interesting and I can’t recall ever getting to use those in school. He comes back shortly and has the kids put up their stuff just when I was getting into weighing items. So I asked if I could see it in his afternoon class and he said sure. Later that afternoon I popped back in and got to observe some math and science. I admit I am now confused on what I want to teach but only a little. I will see what God wants me to teach my first year.
At lunch Mr. M. asks me to do all of these hand gestures but doesn’t tell me why I was doing them….and he just ups and leaves without telling me. I think nothing of it. After lunch we have to go get the kids for recess time and usually on Friday Mr. M plays his guitar and a couple of songs for the kids.
I have not had a chance to catch any of his mini concerts so I was excited to finally see one. I took a seat way in the back behind all of the children in the cafetria while he setup on stage. By the way, can they make these chairs any smaller…I swear half of me was on the chair and the other half was hoping to be on the chair. So he setups his amp, mic and guitar and he starts talking into the mic and says he is going to teach the kids a new song and then calls me up to the stage. If you recall I was half on this chair well when I heard my name that half about fell out of the chair.
Safe to say I was stunned but walked up there and knew those hand gestures I had just done 20 mintues earlier were about to come into play. Next thing I know I am mimicking shark moves for the whole 3rd grade level, some teachers who came in to see the show and some parents who were having lunch with their children and some office staff. I swear to you I never felt more naked. When I went back into this class he had me do it again for his second block class…he definitely keeps me laughing.
Well off to do some homework…that word has become such a bad taste in my mouth hear lately.
Be Blessed,
Me
I have been meaning to journal about something for some time regarding my student teaching. Every day I walk out with my mentor teacher and we make sure all the kids get on their bus and usually wait to see the buses leaving. There are usually several of us teachers waving off the buses or just watching them leave the school parking lot. Every time I have watched them there has been a feeling associated with it. I can’t tell you in words what it is but it always warms my heart. There is something about watching them leave from our care and it always feels satisfying. Like another day of trying to impact their lives… Check!
Sometimes I truly feel sad watching them leave and hoping they all make it back the next day better and ready to learn. I stood under the canopy and watched and some of the kids I am in the room with yelled out my name and waved bye. I was so touched. I wondered if later in life when they are in their twenties will they remember their 3rd grade student teacher. If so, I hope it brings them a smile to their face. I am so going to miss these kids. They have impacted my life and probably will never know the role they played in making me into the teacher I will be one day.
Be blessed,
Me
This was a much better day for me…instead of being on the roller coaster ride, I was sitting on the sidelines taking a breather. I think as people we need to do that from life as best as one can but still get things done. We began our mysteries theme books and will soon break out into small reading groups and I will have one and my mentor teacher will. I am so excited and can’t wait to see what that will be like. I know it will do me well to do activities like that. I am so looking forward to it.
Be blessed,
Me
It seems to me just when I feel a relief or a breeze in life that he comes trickling back. At times I would hope that I would see him creeping in my bushes or at night that he would set off my motion light I have in my back yard but that isn’t how it works in my life. I can see why at times in scripture that the apostles were eager for Jesus to return. I am right now feeling that. The world is no place for me or the troubles it brings.
I tend to be susceptible to Satan’s lies. I really am. I can honestly say it doesn’t take much for him to tip me or push me to the edge of my cliff. I am standing back there once again and so mad at myself for allowing myself to get there when I haven’t been looking down this cliff for some time and was rather liking it.
But I look down my cliff and hear the screams below of people falling. A part of me wants to jump off the cliff and join those screams and just fail already. Just get it over with. It is dark down there, and not the dark you think of at night, as there is still peeks of light here and there. No this darkness has no oxygen in it. It is thick and crawling up the sides of my cliff and waiting for my pitiful fall. All I am giving this hole beneath me is my tears for now.
Side note: maybe at 37 I am going thru menopause…YES LORD LET THAT BE IT! Probably not but a girl can wish.
I wonder how the women I see in my life can be so strong and their armor so steadfast while I just try and keep it together moment by moment. I read the word, I pray and I seek Him but yet I feel haunted as well. I am haunted. I feel so jumbled and confused. Maybe I just have too much on my plate and it is causing a haywire to go on. Whatever it is I wish it with something fierce in me to go away.
Be Blessed,
Me
Today we gave the first TAKS practice test for our third graders. What a different atmosphere this is for them and for me. I didn’t know what to expect but it was nothing I could have imagined. There are so many rules and policies for this type of testing that it had my head spinning. I am in class while the kids are in some elective classes and I am so tired and sleepy but hanging on. I can only imagine what the kids are feeling but they seem to be taking it in stride.
I think I will go home and pass out. 
There is plenty of leftovers from last night dinner that I should be able to do just that.
Today I had to take some students out for some extra recess for a reward and it was so delicious outside. I wanted to spin in a circle and let the cool wind take me away. It is the weather I love the most and look forward to each year. It is my season, my favorite one out of all of them. I watched as the five students ran around and played and I had a smile on my face the whole time. They laughed and played tag and ran up and down the slides. They were so happy to be outside and were enjoying their reward for their good behavior. I felt honored to be a part of that moment and watch them enjoy it in such a genuine way.
Today I realized that my full time student teaching is quickly come up behind me like a DPS Trooper catching a speeder. I will begin taking over fully in the room in November. Whew! That is a lot to think about along with everything else I have to think about and do but I can only press on and hope I don’t fall in the process.
I came home and got to make dinner with my sister and that was a lot of fun. We work well together. I made my mashed potato casserole that I love and it felt good to be working around the house again. Ever since I started student teaching I hadn’t had the energy to do much but come home and rest. As I adjust to the difference in working as a teacher and working in accounting I am adapting and finding my way back to being a part of the home life. I have to thank my husband as he definitely helped take care of things while I came up for breath and now I lay on the beach fully here and fully ready to get back at things. I feel more accomplished then I had while beginning this. At first, I wondered if I was cut out for this but now as I see myself coming around I know I can do it and that I LOVE doing it.
Even after having some bad days, embrassing days, so – so days, I still want it something fierce. I know God has a place for me and I have to remain in Him and walk out in faith that He will lead me thru the doors I need.
So go outside and get wrapped up in God’s creation of the Autumn season!
Be blessed,
Me
This week there was my evaluation that I thought showed improvement on my part and so did my supervisor who did the evaluation! Yippie! We had a power outage again and a natural disaster drill. I felt off and on last week. Student teaching is an emotional ride that no one prepared me for. They tell you things like, dress professionally, attend meetings, take notes etc…but they don’t go into the mental challenges. There are physical challenges as I am use to sitting down all day but I have adapted for the most part and my body isn’t yelling me as much as it use to but the emotional aspect is much harder than I could have imagined.
Some days I want to cry and some days I want to yell from joy. Of course one is harder than the other. I feel kind of lost in how to go about this journey and at times I just want to stop. It is hard to explain because it is very jumbled in my mind. Off to day 21 as I just press on and let God take me thru each moment.
Be Blessed,
Me
Yup, finally found something I am not fond of when it comes to be a teacher—Parent Teacher Conference Day! It is very repetitive and well boring. I know the parents want to know and deserve to know how their child is doing as I was anxious to hear how the one went for our little munchkin as hubby had to go without me. So I know it plays a vital role and we received a lot of useful information about the kids that we could use in the classroom but I guess I would rather be teaching is all…if I had to make a comparison. By the end of the day I could have fell face forward and mid way in my dissent would have fallen dead asleep before hitting the floor.
Be Blessed,
Me
Smile it’s Friday is what I thought as I walked into school in the morning. I was pretty excited because I managed to make it in a few minutes early which seems to be a task for me because munchkin is not a morning person.
Let me backtrack for a second. After Open House was over Mr. M, drove me to my car because I had parked down the street and it was dark. Before getting out of the vehicle he asked if I would check in on his substitute to make sure she was alright. I didn’t know he was going to be out so I told him I would.
Well I walk in as I stated early all happy and smiling and as I walk in the intercom chimes in above me asking for Mrs. R, my mentor teacher, to call the office. Well I knew she wasn’t there because I didn’t see her vehicle so I intended to call once I reached the room. As I get to the room and put down all my bags Mrs. H, which is Mrs. M next door neighbor, pops in and tells me she already called the office telling them Mrs. R wasn’t in just yet. I nodded my head and went about putting my things away.
Mrs. H came into the room and was smiling and told me that they were unable to find a substitute for Mr. M and that I would be it.
I stopped breathing. Really I did. Mr. M does Math and Science and I had been doing Language Arts/Social Studies. She said as I stood in the doorway taking it all in, “Mr. M is still here” that got me breathing again. I immediately went to his room so I could ask questions and go over his lessons for the day before he left. We went over everything quickly and he was out the door and the children were coming in.
The day at times went by slowly and at other times flashed right on by. I got thru it but wow what a ride. So I am grateful for Mr. M having to be out and that they all supported me thru my first day of teaching all alone. I am looking forward to resting on this weekend as I have come to realize the roller coaster ride I am on will commence on Monday.
Be Blessed,
Me