That’s What I’m Here For

I have been enthralled with this “sin” for over a year now. I am a late bloomer when it comes to being weeded out from something. God is faithful and patient. Here in the last three months or so I have been weary and fatigue in the emotional battle of it all. I recently purchased the Beth Moore Audio Cd’s for Get out of that Pit and discovered what I already knew…I was in a pit!
This pit is like the Astrodome turned upside down. Oh I made my pit into a mansion with all the frilly curtains, heated indoor pool, a limo driver, you name it, I had it. I loved my pit. I won’t lie, I loved it. Loved being in it and never wanted to leave. My desire was to keep it. I held it so close to me. Soon it was a full blown addiction. It was never my intention to be addicted to it..just to have it. It was worse than any craving I have ever had for food or my favorite: warm strawberry cake straight out the oven with no icing on it!! It was worse… I would cry if I didn’t get my “fix” of this grappling sin.
It was getting to where I noticed I was no longer controlling it; it was controlling me. I no longer had the upper hand, it hand me pinned down to the hard lonely cement pavement. I couldn’t even look up. In previous journal entries, I go into detail of how this sin has been for me.
But ….don’t you love that there is a BUT….but (hehehehe) in the last two weeks..it has changed. I can feel it changing..I guess I should mention for the better.
I made myself accountable to a good strong Christian woman I work with who I also call a precious friend. It was such a hard step to do but she was never judgmental and was so loving to me while I poured out myself to her. I have kept her updated to keep accountable and as always she has been so loving to me.
Next, I began the audio book from Beth Moore that I mentioned earlier. I sought out scripture and prayed. I prayed when I didn’t want to pray and prayed when I was in dire need of intervention.
Ladies, my flesh fought me tooth and nail. My flesh screamed in my mind, “NO!” It clinged to the insides of my muscles, it seeped into my pores, it was in my tears, it congested my chest, it was not letting go. I felt like there were two of me, both pulling on the other sometimes splitting my flesh and spirit apart. If you have ever gone to a carnival or fair of some sort, you all know those mirrors that distort your image …that was the image I saw when my flesh fought back to keep being in its lush pit.
Now, I feel relief taking that weight from me..slowly…ounce by ounce. This was no overnight episode in my life. But I smile now seeing the light…hearing the whisper of Christ calling me to Him. I know He is right next to me but the pit muffled all that I did. I only saw it. His whisper is so soft, sweet and soothing. I want to hear more of it. So I am veering to the right, to the whisper that calls me…I know Jesus has me making that U-turn to the straight and narrow path. I am scared of course, while I hear Christ whispering, it is Satan that is shouting for my return to my sin. I keep saying “SHUTUP SATAN! NO ONE LIKES YOU!”
Thanks for hearing me during these times. I will keep veering in hopes I will see the path Jesus has for me.
Psalm 27:11 (NIV)
Teach me your way, O LORD;
lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.