That’s What I’m Here For

June 5th was early release day and I was anxious to get to school to have as much time there as possible. I was dreading it as well. This would be my last first “last day of school”. I would never have this experience again. I was curious of what it would be like. Would I cry, ball or be dry eyed? I felt the anticipation as the week passed us by and we all began to pack up and wind down the lesson plans and start to tell the kids things like “enjoy your summer vacation”!

I had sub in this one school 99% of my first year teaching. I did my student teaching there and almost all of my sub work. I was SO attached. I knew it. I had sub at the PPCD, K, 1st, 3rd, 5th. Almost all the students knew me by name when I walked down the hallways. So I had an inkling of what torture my heart would be put threw….the ringer!

The day began to wind down and we all felt our heart strings being pulled…we would miss each other as well as the kids. This school has a tradition of having the 5th graders walk all the hallways the last 10 minutes of the day high-fiving the younger grades which they called the “Walk of Fame” as they would move on to 6th graders. They played “We are the Champions” over the intercom. The 5th graders led us to the buses…they passed my room and some were strong while others visibly balled their eyes out and didn’t hold back. I understood the emotions they were going thru. This school has kids that have been there since their kindergarten year and this was the only home they knew….and now they were being forced to leave it.

I teared up for them. I cry recalling that vivid memory in my mind. Next we began to head to the buses after all the 5th graders had boarded. I waited by the exit doors as I was working with the younger students (3 - 4 years old) which requires a special bus and being hand held to the bus. Well while we waited for our bus my 3rd graders from my student teaching time come thru those doors balling. They ran to me and cried and held on tight. I just fell out! I began to ball with them but tried to hold on strong. They will always hold a special place in my heart. They will always be my first students. I can never forget them even if I tried.

They were beautiful, strong, smart, dedicated, well-mannered, passionate, sweet, wonderful, fantastic, joyful, tender kids! I miss them already! After they passed me….my kindergarten kids came as well and I just about couldn’t take anymore.

I had to step away from my younger ones and get myself together. Our bus arrived and I said bye once again. You don’t learn this in class to hold on to your heart by gripping your chest because these kids are going to try and snatch it with the love they give. My heart just about did that….I then walked to the front where all the teachers line up and wave off the buses. That was the last I saw of them. You have to learn as a teacher you may not ever see them again. You get these 9 months with them and then poof…GONE! It is so hard on your heart.

I said bye to the teachers who made such an impact on me. I will mention them by initials:

Mrs. L. R. You are the BEST!!!

Mrs. J. H. Your kindness is like no other.

Ms. D. W. Your strength is admirable

Mr. G. M. You were the friend I needed for this journey I took…Thanks!

Ms. L. J. You showed me the other side to it all with love and grace.

Mrs. B. N. You showed me we all count and should be treated equally.

Mrs. S. W. You always made me feel like family.

Mrs. A. L. aka A. J. You gave me the greatest gift of having faith in me and giving me your class every afternoon. I am eternally grateful. Kiss the baby for me. I was so sad we didn’t get to say bye. Miss you already.

I got in my truck and looked in my rearview mirror and watched the school become tiny. That is when the tears that were left behind decided to come out of the flood gates. I balled for the next 15 minutes to get me home. I cried and cried. I became so attached to the most beautiful school I think I will ever have known from 2008 - 2009. Thank you all! The Lord blessed me with the best first year of teaching! Thank you Jesus!

Missing you all,
Me 

May 22, 2009 in the mid evening my sister got married. I was her matron of honor and it was indeed an honor. I cried during the ceremony which my husband performed for the happy couple and that night she moved out into her new apt. with her husband. I was too tired to let it affect me being we danced all night long and my body was yelling at me for thinking I was 19 again.

As the days have passed, I find I miss her more and more. I knew it would affect me but I wasn’t sure how and to what degree for that matter. I never took her for granted and was grateful for all the laughs, late nite talks and sitting on Monday nights watching the Bachelor. So I knew it was precious but I still miss it. I am more like her mother than sister so I think that makes it more difficult on me.

I have called her everyday since she left except for today. I want to try and give her the space she needs to get into her groove of her new life and journey….even as I type this I want to dial her number and check if she has done everything to prepare for work as she is coming off her week long vacation. I know I have served her to the best of my abilities and have given her all the advice and wisdom I have to offer her that will make her a great wife. I just have to let go and trust.

But the sister in me misses her and wishes she was in my back room so I can go in there and hang out with her. There is positives to her leaving….the back room I have started to convert to a play room for munchkin. She loves it and spends hours on end in that room playing more than she did in her own room. We tell her she can go and play in her “play room” and she runs to it with great anticipation. I am shopping around for play furniture/applicances for her to have before summer comes around as both her and I will be off for the summer.

So there is an upside to it and I know it is for the best but I feel like a piece of me is gone…I wonder if this is a glimpse of how I will feel when I have to let munchkin go when she is all grown up…I sure hope not.

Here is a picture from her wedding…you can vividly see how in love and happy she is….Enjoy.

Missing my sister,

Me

It is a close to 6 a.m. and I should be asleep but there is a song that has pierced my soul and whenever I happen to wake up in the middle of the night I go to my laptop that is sleeping plainly in the night and awake it so it can play that sweet melody of song to my heart. The song is Book of Love sung by Peter Gabriel (btw it is playing while I type this over and over again.)

TV has such a dreary look to it these days. It rarely adds to your life in a positive way or is a glimpse of what it once looked like in its early years till I saw this final episode of Scrubs. It sparked so much in me that if TV was always like this I would let it sit in my living room every night and play a part in our lives. Watch the video and I dare you not to let it in.

It has been a couple of days since I was blessed by it and I have played it over and over thanks to youtube.com and now the song moves me in a different way. A new level if you will. It makes me think of my husband and daughter. Friday morning before heading to work I was sitting in front of my laptop my husband to my left and my daughter walks in rubbing her eyes and sits on my lap just as I am about to play the video. I click the black play button on the screen and for the next 4 minutes in complete silence we watch the video and I am in awe that I am even more blessed because these few minutes are now wrapping itself around my family one morning and I can see it affect us. It was a wonderful moment that I will always cherish and is what life should be made of. My child after it stopped playing turned to me and whispered “Mommy I like that song.” Even at 3 she could tell it was nice and gentle to her soul. The Lord is so good to give us these rich moments. Thank you Jesus!

So I hope you all enjoyed it and the glimpse into love…May the Lord bless you with love in your life.

Feeling loved,

Me

If I recall correctly there was a tv show on where the lead actress was to get a theme song and play it in her head. Well I always that it was a creative, cute idea but I never adapted one to my life. Here recently I was subbing at a school and the teacher played a video for the kids and the opening song had me bopping my head and tapping my feet. I soon was researching this new found song and cartoon. Some of you with young children might know of the show but I had never heard of it and now I am head over heels in love with it. The show is Peep and the Big Wide World.

Well the opening song is sung by Taj Mahal and it is the cutest song ever. It is my new theme song. Watch the video below to hear it.

So now every morning I wake up and play the song and it really sets my day off. Right now I can hear it in my head. I like the idea behind it….my whole world is in front of me to explore and see and it is waiting for me. Hope you enjoy!

I play it in class for the kids and now I am up and dancing and singing…they love it!

Be blessed and see the big wide world,

Me

So as most of you know we have had our darling munchkin over a year now and I heard today that possibly in the next couple of months we could actually be beginning the “adoption” process. You can’t imagine the relief and joy and exhaustion I am feeling. It has truly been a long process and one I am so glad we took.

So for those that may be confused and thought “I thought you already adopted her.” We didn’t we were only her foster parents and adoption takes some time. It took longer than usual for us considering munchkin’s unique situation. But we hung in there…there is no definite time line but maybe just maybe by Christmas this year it could be all done. No guarantee considering we are dealing with the courts but progress has been made and in a couple of months we could have a more definite timeline. I am breathing a sign of relief and soon we could be a family and be done with all of this legal stuff.
It would sure be a relief not to have to do so much paperwork regarding parenting your own child. We have been blessed and every day with munchkin is indeed a blessing.

I leave with a picture of munchkin. Have a great day! Please continue to pray for us and pray for a speedy trial! This is a picture of her first time bowling…you can’t tell in the picture but I swear that ball must be going less than one mile per hour. That’s my baby.

Be blessed,

Me

Today I woke up and did munchkin’s hair. That took me some time as it always does but afterwards we were all hungry. (hubby, me and munchkin). So we all got changed from our pj’s and head to find some grub. We stopped at a seafood restaurant and had a nice lunch. I was feeling kind of dreary as hubby and I have been so sick all week. We have this ongoing cough that keeps us awake and miserable. We were suppose to go get groceries but I was not feeling it.

So I suggested stopping at a nearby park and taking munchkin to the playground. We stop and take her to the playground and she plays and plays. It was so windy and I want to use the word “delicious” outside. Hubby and I sat for a moment on a bench and watched munchkin smile and wave at us. She had a great time. I was glad we stopped and played with her.

I spent most of my weekend trying to help my sister plan her wedding which is in less than two months. So much to do and the Lord didn’t make me an octupus…but it is so exciting and we are all so thrilled to be a part of it. I can’t wait to see it all come together.

Be blessed,

Me

As most of you know my sister moved in with me June of 2007 with what was suppose to be a couple of months. It changed over time and I was all for it. Her and I get along great and are like the best of sisters.

Over the year plus she has grown into so much that her and I planned for and wanted. She has been working, finally got her license (Thank you Jesus!) I couldn’t be more proud of her. Well her boyfriend came over one day and had a ring and proposed to my sister. We are all so excited for her and in a matter of weeks she will be married and moving out of my home.

I am so going to miss her. I feel her and I have a very special sister bond and I am going to miss our late nights up watching tv and talking. It will be different with her gone but I am at peace I have passed on all I know to her and she is a different person because of it.

I wish her the very best and know she is on a path the Lord has set for her. Congratulations mija!

So I just picked up munchkin from daycare and lately she has been trying to sing along with the radio. Well MercyMe’s song was on “Holy, Holy, Holy”. And sure enough she got the chorus down and was singing along. I almost started crying but decided against it as I was driving. But it so made me smile and warmed my heart to hear this 3 year old singing a praise song to Jesus! Parenting has such pure blessing associated with it.

Be blessed,

Me

So I have come to find some of my most precious memories during our family time is when we “dance”. It happens quite naturally really.

Typically what happens is I will turn on my Zune and put on the music while I cook or clean. Hubby will do the same and then next thing you know munchkin will start dancing, and then we join in. We will dance after song after song. She usually laughs and giggles. It is the best time we have just letting ourselves dance, sing and enjoy being a family.

Munchkin loves it as she loves to dance and as she learns songs she even tries to sing along. It is so breathtaking to see her grow and learn so much even in activities like dancing with her daddy. She adores him so much.

We think she is finally potty trained!

It has been a long road to get her to this level but we are so happy. It is such a relief to have her past this phase.

I am on Spring Break and can’t wait to enjoy this time off.

Hope everyone has a blessed day,

Me

So as I teach more and more I come to experience feelings that I am not familiar with or wasn’t expecting I guess. I mean if I had to sit down and think about it then I know logic would set in and tell me I should have expected it.

I took a long term assignment working with one kindergarten who was in need of special services.  I will call him Adam. Anyways, Adam had a lot of issues and needed a lot of help to get him up to speed with his class.  His first words to me were “I hate you, quit following me!” He was a hard case to get thru to but eventually he and I had a great bond and began to work very well together. I spent over two months with him one on one at school and we were making so much progress.

Last week Mom withdraws him to move him away from his dad. It is a bitter fight for custody between them. I got the news and just had to leave the room and cry and cry. I felt like I was grieving for a loved one. I felt cheated. I had put so much into his education and I really felt like I was close to doing what our goals were for him and then poof!

I have been trying to adjust to this all week and I hurt for him because I feel like his well being was no factor in this woman’s decision. It is a long story and one I can’t get into.

But I am heartbroken. I didn’t see myself getting that attached to a student and I worry about him all the time. I am guessing this is just the tip of the iceberg for many teaching years ahead of me.

Adam you will always be so special in my heart and I pray now that Jesus watches over you for me since I no longer can. I hope you never forget me.

Be blessed,

Me