That’s What I’m Here For

Today I sit at home while my child is at a mother’s day out program. Hubby is fast asleep from his previous double shift and dog is actually napping as well. I have 90% of the house to myself in peace and quiet. I relish this because in the quietest of moments…in the stillness of it all I feel like “me”. The “me” I rarely get to be…think about it. I am mother, which I love being…I am wife, which again I welcome to be any day.

When I was younger I played many roles…surrogate mother to my siblings, high schooler with straight A’s, sister, daughter and best friend. I can’t recall ever having any real alone time.

So now I sit here and it is quite an awe inspiring moment.  I feel just like little ole me…not mother, wife…but Cathy. And I can say it is refreshing and nice. I would say every woman should have this time of being your first “hat” that you put on …YOU!

I am so glad that my husband pushed for this mother’s day out program as I was totally against it and wanted to keep Munchkin with me all summer long.

So for the next few blissfully quiet and alone hours…I am going to be ME! Whatever that may be…So I encourage all of you wonderfully made women to go and find some sliver of time to be the perfectly and just good ole’ YOU!

Be Blessed,

Me

So I am on this Golden Girl marathon since much of my time at home is spent in my recliner or in bed.  Bed rest is not actually resting …it is like a torture form of boredom really! I thought I would like to catch up on my rest…but now I think I am overrested and my body is now trying to reject just the idea of rest. Worse thing is I can even really do anything in bed that is constructive…most things require me to use my back muscles. I thought of scrapbooking…back. I thought of folding laundry…back. I thought of organizing boxes of photos…back.

If I could teach my legs to be my arms…I think I would certainly nip this boredom in the bud. While Golden Girls is very funny, (Hubby disagrees but I move on) and entertaining it just isn’t enough!

I really want to scream and then scream some more and then laugh till I cry! But my Munchkin is asleep in the other room and that would probably freak her out a little. I am such a good mother… So I reach out to all my fellow bed rest readers…hang in there…it has to end sometime!

Me

in writing on here more often and after watching Julie & Julia I feel motivated to use my website more often. But what to write about. I guess first let me update everyone on how things are going. I tend not to write here for fear of our daughter’s ex-foster family will read to find out about her and they are not at ALL WELCOMED in our lives anymore! They were unhealthy for her and us and hopefully by now have gotten a clue and will leave us be.

We go to go court soon and the adoption is near is all I will say about that.

Our Munchkin is turning 5 soon and she thinks she is growing all the time. She often says that very thing to us. Sometimes she wants us to watch her grow while  she drinks milk. She always makes us smile.

I am looking forward to her turning five and seeing all the new milestones will come in her life. She will go to school where I teach next year and that in itself is going to be a journey.

My first year in teaching is nearly done and WOW! what a ride it has been. A glorious one! I have enjoyed it and quite frankly can’t believe it is almost over. In less than two months, I know I will be crying and sending off my kids into the summer and hope I have done all I can to prepare them for the first grade.

Here recently Hubby and I had some much needed me time and we had some great bbq at Rudy’s!

It was an adventure which always is when we travel.

There is only seven more weeks of school and then my first ever paid summer vacation takes place. I am quite looking forward to saying..”Hey they are paying me right now as I watch TV.”

So I am debating journaling on scrapbooking, reading the bible in a year, or reading book club online. Chime in and tell me some suggestions for those who know!

Me!

Here it is a couple of days till Christmas. Hubby is getting ready for work and our Munchkin is fast asleep. I normally send this out via email but felt compelled to write on my page. I am sitting here in my dining room and compiling the thoughts into one and hope it flows freely and is received well.

Hubby: Yet another year has passed for us and has brought trials and victories in our lives. Tonight I told you that I am so IN love with you. I am. My love for you never ceases. It will never fail. Jesus is in my heart and He sees to it that I am a Godly wife to you. I trust in Him fully to lead me as your spouse, best friend, confidante, and spirit mate. I can never thank you enough for all you do day in and night out. Powerful provider, Consistent counselor, Friend of all friends, head of household, pretty peaceful of a man who I am blessed to call Husband! My only wish is that time would sit on a bench and allow me to have more time with you! I love you madly!

Mom and Dad: Each year I watch you two have a long lasting and loving marriage. Next year you will have 40 years of being together and I only can hope to model after you two. Thanks for all your love and guidance that you give to me and my family. I love you both dearly. You both make me laugh beyond measure and I find it so comforting how Mom you still giggle at Dad. And Dad how Mom still drives you crazy in a good way.

My sisters Melissa, Josie, Natalie, Nicole and brother Rudy: You are why I do what I do. I want to lead to be something great so you can do better than me and trailblaze past me. You are my cheerleading corner that makes me want to do more and more. I want to leave an everlasting memory of me so you can pass it on to the next generation. It takes me only moments to be around you all and my spirit is instantly lifted. There is no substitute for you all. I love you dearly!

Mr. Harville and Ms. Bates: I can’t thank you two enough for the faith you had in me to give me an opportunity to serve such a wonderful administration team! I am blessed to be among such supportive people such as yourselves! Many many thanks!

My Kindergarten co-workers and who I also call my friends, Averre, Gina and Misty: There is no way I could have made it without you three there for me in the good and bad days. You always knew just what to say and HOW to say it to me.  The Lord has surely blessed me with working with such wonderful ladies. You each give me something unique and lift me up daily. You have made my year so memorable thus far and I know you will give me many more. Thanks for all the support, positive words, encouragement and constant mentoring you do for me! You all are A+ to me!

Other Major Staff, Grant, Allison, Sabrina, Lana, Jill: You each have played a roll in making me smile or giving me a hug just when I needed it or making me laugh when I was about to cry. Your pleasant smiles and thoughtfulness towards me everyday is not taken for granted and is greatly appreciated! God will surely bless you for your selfless giving you give to me each day!

Keka: My bestest best friend. I pray for you all the time. The love I have for you is immense. You get me like no other friend does! I can’t see my life here without you! You are an integral part of my life and are family to me!

Alicia: What can I say expect we have been thru it together this year. While your journey has ended in one way God surely has opened another way for you…I can’t wait to see what He does as we both know it will be such a blessing. Thanks for listening to me all those times on the phone about “them” and how that affected me. You were the only one who could truly know what I was going thru. I am forever grateful for you and your family. Love ya to pieces!

Catherine: Thanks for letting me vent about this process as we both went down this year together. I know God put us together for that simple reason alone. I can’t wait to see how our next year goes! May He bless you abundantly.

Monica: Yay we did it! And I know for a fact we did it together! I am so glad you forced me to be your friend that day! I think I would be missing out on something if you didn’t.  I am so glad we still keep in touch and I learn so much from you and enjoy being your friend. Thanks for letting me be one in your life. You have blessed me.

Mrs. Randall: Still to this day you inspire me to be the very best and to do what is best for the kids. It was no accident I was put in your room. You have a wonderful gift and I am just grateful I was able to catch a glimpse of it! You are a shining star that points in the right direction among millions!

My extended family of cousins from my Dad’s side and my Mom’s: Thanks to you all…whenever we have the luxury of getting together you always make me feel loved and welcomed! I always laugh and feel so rejuvenated after hanging out with you all. Nothing like family to make your day!

Merry Christmas and if the reason for this season isn’t living in your heart…take time to INVITE HIM in…He will bless you beyond measure.

Simply,

Me

I don’t know quite where to start telling this tale of a roller coaster the Good Lord put me on. I began my first year teaching in late August and there were days of wanting to vomit from the immense fear of failing to floating on cloud nine from having a day that went better than you had hoped like today! I love my kids…all of them. Some may be more challenging than others but I love and care for them and hope for the best for their futures. I already think of their futures and wonder how they will turn out and how I may impact that even in the slightest. I have a wonderful mentor in my team leader…without her I would surely be on the wrong path, or falling face down off the roller coaster. I have the most precious and wonderful co-workers in my grade level. Ms. G and Ms. K are wonderful examples to see them in action and I am hopeful I will one day be a seasoned teacher. They all give such loving advice. Let me say that again…they all advised in me loving and kind way. They lift me on days I feel down and guide me thru the deep dips and extreme curves as I have not been on a ride like this in my life.

I am so ever grateful to Jesus as He sent me to this school, team, and students. Every day is a new and exciting day. Some days are difficult but I learn so much about myself and the kids teach me more than they know.

Update on Munchkin: We still are waiting patiently for the govt. to move along with her court cases but with the new president in office it seems a 4 year old is a threat to our security! Don’t get me on this soapbox. We are hopeful that maybe next year will be the year we can call her “ours”. She is getting so big I can’t stop her growth even if I wanted to. She is talking more and more each day.

As for me I feel exhausted most days but it is the good kind if there is such a thing. I am so blessed and filled with joy as I watch the hand of God guide me along. I often think His timing is perfect but still wished I would have done this sooner.

Simply,

Me

I am a 38 year old wife of a marriage of 17 years and a mother of 1.5 years. Numbers…. they state something factual but don’t give weight to the emotions behind those number of years.

I come from a poor background. My great grandparents came from Mexico and an old age and died here in the U.S. My grandparents and parents were born here and thus I am Hispanic. But their journeys didn’t save us from poverty, struggles, alcoholism, domestic violence, jail, prison amoung other things. Yet I remember a fairly happy childhood regardless of all of that I witnessed. My parents eventually got us out of the poor neighborhoods and thru hard work we didn’t wonder about eating about the time I was 19 or so. They worked hard but thru it all they loved us with ALL they had….no money could get us that. Thank you Mom & Dad!

I married at the age of 21 to a wonderful, gentle, kind, determined young man. He is the biggest dreamer I know. I had NO dreams when I met him…so he let me borrow some of the dream gene from him. Once I got the bug, it ate at me and I pressed on to make my own dream. Problem was I didn’t know what that dream was…or so I thought I didn’t know…but God works like that in one’s life.

I am trying to type as fast as I can as the words in my mind are pushing thru my pores and are screaming to jump on my screen. Patience words, you will get your chance.

So my husband, Andra’ helped me to get that twinkle in my eyes, he helped me to want more…after years of just wanting to have food on the table and hot water I didn’t think to dream past that or feared if I did I might not get it…and that terrified the little girl in me and the woman I was becoming. I often fought dreaming…it was like standing close to a hot meal and then someone saying “no you don’t have enough money, get out!” That is scary when you have felt hunger and cold, and moved a lot to find shelter. It is a pain that always stays with you. To this day, I can’t have an empty fridge…it brings stress into my heart. Tears flowing now but I am determined to get this out of me and on the screen as it so begs to be told. I have to have backup food to the present food…backup toilet paper, trash bags, eggs, bananas….you name it…I have to know there is a lot or I am going to the store to get the backup for it. It took hubby some time to get why I do it and he understands it now. I never knew it affected me like it did.

I knew early on I couldn’t have kids. I just knew…people ask me how but I kind of always knew even before I began wanting kids. I still tried but nothing came of it…my husband was adamant he wanted our future children to have a house and that we had careers…well that took time. Yet another dream he placed on my heart and we got our first home in 2005! Here was a person, me, who knew my parents always rented when they could or we stayed with family members to make it thru…and now I had a mortgage…I don’t complain about having a mortgage…it is a blessing!

We then began the adoption process…and once again GOD showed off and my secret inner dream of having a little girl (hubby wanted an older boy) came to pass with a darling two year who entered our hearts and home in Jan. of 08′! That has been a ride…while we still wait to adopt her we are so close to the finish line! We hope that our Christmas present will be her! I couldn’t ask for a more precious gift.

Now back to the dream I didn’t think I had or so I did but it hadn’t screamed at me as God knows I am hard of hearing. Sorry Lord but His timing is perfect! Slowly starting in about 2005 as a matter of fact the Lord started setting this car in motion! One trickle in the pond to a boulder in the ocean as I look back now and see His hand at work in my life….it is awe inspiring! I heard Him loud and clear that He was calling me to teach. I was terrified but enrolled into LeTourneau University and began a grueling schedule of wife, mother, student and worker. At times, I cried from fatigue and wondered if I would get thru it. But the Lord carried me to my graduation Dec. of 2008! I then took my exams and was soon certified but no job. So I took some advice from my mentor teacher, Mrs. R., and did substitute work. She was so right that I would learn so much and it prepared me more than I could have hoped for. So I pretty much worked every day of the past school year and left on the last day of school crying but with so much in my heart that I am glad I had experienced it.

The summer thus brought the tedious task of trying to get hired. I was going to job fairs, applying online almost every day, checking for openings late nights as I couldn’t sleep as I waited for God to lead me to my new home. It was difficult many nights I cried because I feared I would not get hired and help support my family or I would have to sub again for another year and hubby was working two jobs to help keep us afloat while I went thru this career change. I can never repay his dedication to helping me with my dream. Thank you huney! God gave me the BEST gift when He sent me you!

Present day-July 14, 2009 I had an interview with a principal I had worked with for most of the year and three other individuals for a kindergarten position at a new school opening up in my district. I left feeling good but at peace because when I walked out the doors of that school I placed it with God and left it in His hands. I remember saying if I didn’t get it that was okay because I got the experience of interviewing and every little bit helps.  I drove home and cried and prayed and grab some breakfast as I didn’t eat at home because my tummy was revolting from the nerves and I don’t think the food would have stayed in place.

So I got home not expecting word till the next day so I jumped into some pj’s and wanted to sleep because I literally wasn’t sleeping from my nerves and running interview questions thru my head! So suddenly I was free from all of it because I had done the interview and there was nothing left for me to do…I had placed my head down, gave my hubby a hug and kiss and off to sleep I went. I had my cell on vibrate just in case. In a matter of minutes it was ringing and I recognized the number as the school number and I thought wow here comes the news.

I leaped out of bed and ran into the living room as hubby was falling fast asleep and if I didn’t get the job I didn’t want him to hear me balling. It was the principal and I thought at first “wow it is sweet he is going to personally turn me down because he knew me.” But he offered me the job. He doesn’t know this but I was jumping up and down and had a smile so big that someone should have taken a picture of me. PURE JOY! So after some formalities of some stuff I needed to do for him, I hung up and ran to my husband and hugged him. Speechless! I let him go back to sleep and came into the kitchen and sat and cried and cried. Later I called and texted some close friends of mine of the great news. I have cried off and on today because I know GOD was all over this. I know He still works in people’s lives including mine.

I am now a kindergarten teacher for a wonderful school, principal and team of colleagues. I have a classroom….I know my husband dislikes this word…so sorry hun but I can’t find another one to fit it for me….it is so SURREAL to me. Soon I will be in the process of setting up my first room for the first time…I am going to have so many new “firsts” at this age! I am blessed!

All day I would tease my husband and say “hey my PRINCIPAL emailed me.” I can say that now…my principal, my school, my team. Tears again…okay I hope that doesn’t happen in front of others…they might think I am losing it. But it is the joy that God gives me and it overflows and seeps out of my eyes!

Keep your millions…because in blessings I have trillions! Jesus is ALIVE and well in me! Thank you Lord, God, Omega, Beginning and the End, Creator of all things, Heaven and Earth, Saviour, Sovereign One, and my Lord Jesus!

Believe!

June 5th was early release day and I was anxious to get to school to have as much time there as possible. I was dreading it as well. This would be my last first “last day of school”. I would never have this experience again. I was curious of what it would be like. Would I cry, ball or be dry eyed? I felt the anticipation as the week passed us by and we all began to pack up and wind down the lesson plans and start to tell the kids things like “enjoy your summer vacation”!

I had sub in this one school 99% of my first year teaching. I did my student teaching there and almost all of my sub work. I was SO attached. I knew it. I had sub at the PPCD, K, 1st, 3rd, 5th. Almost all the students knew me by name when I walked down the hallways. So I had an inkling of what torture my heart would be put threw….the ringer!

The day began to wind down and we all felt our heart strings being pulled…we would miss each other as well as the kids. This school has a tradition of having the 5th graders walk all the hallways the last 10 minutes of the day high-fiving the younger grades which they called the “Walk of Fame” as they would move on to 6th graders. They played “We are the Champions” over the intercom. The 5th graders led us to the buses…they passed my room and some were strong while others visibly balled their eyes out and didn’t hold back. I understood the emotions they were going thru. This school has kids that have been there since their kindergarten year and this was the only home they knew….and now they were being forced to leave it.

I teared up for them. I cry recalling that vivid memory in my mind. Next we began to head to the buses after all the 5th graders had boarded. I waited by the exit doors as I was working with the younger students (3 – 4 years old) which requires a special bus and being hand held to the bus. Well while we waited for our bus my 3rd graders from my student teaching time come thru those doors balling. They ran to me and cried and held on tight. I just fell out! I began to ball with them but tried to hold on strong. They will always hold a special place in my heart. They will always be my first students. I can never forget them even if I tried.

They were beautiful, strong, smart, dedicated, well-mannered, passionate, sweet, wonderful, fantastic, joyful, tender kids! I miss them already! After they passed me….my kindergarten kids came as well and I just about couldn’t take anymore.

I had to step away from my younger ones and get myself together. Our bus arrived and I said bye once again. You don’t learn this in class to hold on to your heart by gripping your chest because these kids are going to try and snatch it with the love they give. My heart just about did that….I then walked to the front where all the teachers line up and wave off the buses. That was the last I saw of them. You have to learn as a teacher you may not ever see them again. You get these 9 months with them and then poof…GONE! It is so hard on your heart.

I said bye to the teachers who made such an impact on me. I will mention them by initials:

Mrs. L. R. You are the BEST!!!

Mrs. J. H. Your kindness is like no other.

Ms. D. W. Your strength is admirable

Mr. G. M. You were the friend I needed for this journey I took…Thanks!

Ms. L. J. You showed me the other side to it all with love and grace.

Mrs. B. N. You showed me we all count and should be treated equally.

Mrs. S. W. You always made me feel like family.

Mrs. A. L. aka A. J. You gave me the greatest gift of having faith in me and giving me your class every afternoon. I am eternally grateful. Kiss the baby for me. I was so sad we didn’t get to say bye. Miss you already.

I got in my truck and looked in my rearview mirror and watched the school become tiny. That is when the tears that were left behind decided to come out of the flood gates. I balled for the next 15 minutes to get me home. I cried and cried. I became so attached to the most beautiful school I think I will ever have known from 2008 – 2009. Thank you all! The Lord blessed me with the best first year of teaching! Thank you Jesus!

Missing you all,
Me